My return….

I disappeared briefly and for that I apologize. I suffer from depression and the month of February was an ass kicker. But I am back and I fully intend to fill you all (the whole 3 of you) with my knowledge of the dating world! Unfortunately I have to run to the grocery store so I will leave you with a brief tip for allowing a man to buy you a drink…

Tip: If the man is soooo not attractive but offers to buy you a drink allow it… However that doesn’t mean you have to dance with him. If he is dumb enough to buy you a drink before asking you to dance that’s his problem! It might piss him off and he will more than likely not offer to buy you a drink but hey it’s worth it… little story to go with this because I sometimes can’t believe the shit that comes out of a man’s mouth. 

I was at a bar with a friend who I hadn’t seen in months and we were having a blast. I was at the time in a relationship so I had to be on my best behavior. A gentleman walked up and asked to buy us drinks and we all of course agreed. He wasn’t hideous but again I was taken. He asked what we wanted and we gave him our order. He came back to the table with just my drink and some story about how he wasn’t allowed to carry more than two drinks but was nice enough to give my friend money to go get hers. So he sits down with us and proceeds to chat which wasn’t awful and then he asks me to dance and not just a two step.. he wanted to bump and grind. I politely declined telling him I promised my husband (wasn’t actually married) that I would be good and not dance with someone else. The next thing that came out of this man’s mouth was a bit shocking… “Well it’s not like we’re fucking”

No sir, no we are not nor will we ever be… 

 

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Online dating Continued

I left off with standing up for yourself when the creepers start creeping, something I forgot to mention is to use that BLOCK button!!! Sometimes its my favorite thing to click!

Now when you do get a message from someone who appears normal and you have read their profile respond however you want. (Quick side note: I never email/message a guy first. I let them start a convo) If you can tell they have a sense of humor based on their profile or the initial message be funny. If you think they will catch your sarcasm and snarkiness do it! Be yourself ladies. If he can’t handle your personality in an email then clearly he doesn’t deserve any more of your attention. The beauty of online dating I find is that you have the power. Plain and simple. A friend once told me that I treated these sites like a “man menu” and quite frankly FUCK YEAH I DO! I’ve been through the ringer with men. I know what I want, what I can get, and how I am going to get it. Now not all men on these sites are total assholes, some of them are actually quite great and polite and worth your time. If you find one of those guys jump on that shit! If you have to reject a thousand assholes first well I’m sure it was worth it!

When it comes down to actually meeting a guy, ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS pick a public place! Meet him there, even if you wait outside and do the sometimes awkward first meeting stuff out there first. I find that with guys you can tell right away whether or not you are going to have a decent connection but sometimes they will surprise you. My current “regular” shocked me, we didn’t meet online but our first meeting was weird and our first hangout was actually quite nice. We’ve been “seeing” (also code for sleeping together) each other since early November and every time we are together it is even more comfortable than before, so don’t be caught off guard if it doesn’t feel right at first. But if you do have a connection right a way 10 points for you!

NEVER SCHEDULE TWO IN ONE NIGHT!

I realize that once the emails start rolling in we as women can get a little cocky ourselves but be respectful of the man who is taking you out and don’t double book an evening. I will admit I have done this but it wasn’t exactly a planned thing…. I had one guy lined up to be my DD after a bachelorette party and didn’t intend to meet a gorgeous 6’6″ cowboy at the bar. Accidents happen so we can allow for that but NEVER intentionally do it.

The online world is a scary one ladies so always be safe when doing anything. Some guys can get creepy fast. I’ve been there too…. I had one guy “fall in love” with me in less than two weeks and when I told him I needed space he thought that meant limiting it to 15 texts, 1 phone call, and 3 emails a day. And even after that he sent a letter (YES A LETTER) to my house and refused to give me his return address so I could send it back. Fail for him because I sent it to his work… he’s a police officer fyi.

Ok… I think I have more or less rambled on enough here… we’ll leave it at that for the day! Good luck and happy hunting!!!!!!

Happy I Fu*&ing Hate Being Single Day!

So I’m sitting here trying to convince myself that I don’t need a man and that I am strong and independent, which in reality I know I am, but all these damn facebook posts and coworkers are kicking my ego’s ass!

Single ladies, this day was not designed with us in mind that’s for damn sure but try to rise above it! Don’t be overly hateful today because that’s just not sexy. Let the love birds be in love because you can’t do a damn thing to stop them any how. Remember that life resumes normal tomorrow and all the flowers and chocolates and lovey dovey crap goes away.

Be strong girls! We got this shit under control!

More on online dating tomorrow night… I am down a kid since she’s going to a sleep over so it will be easier to get done.

 

Lesson #1 – Tips on online dating

So online dating can be a very frightening experience but when done properly it can be incredibly entertaining and sometimes very rewarding. It can also be the biggest ego boost ever! And there are various types of dating sites, sites for real dating, sites for hook ups, sites purely for sex, and then of course site where you can try to find that special someone. 

The first part of a dating profile is having the right profile picture. You don’t want to be that girl who uses one of her senior portraits if that is not what you look like anymore. I’ve had children so clearly I do not look the same as I did almost 10 years ago. If you are really nervous about it ask a friend, who’s honest opinion you value, to come help you take one. Avoid at all cost making duck lips and having your toilet in the background because you’ve used your bathroom mirror. It’s just tacky! Also don’t be too revealing with the ta tas, wear a low cut shirt (if you’d like) but don’t show more than you are willing to give on a first date!

Second on the profile agenda is your “About Me” section. You definitely want to be clear as to what your intentions are but don’t be so clear that you come off as a bitch. This is something that I have been guilty of many many times and part of that is because I am naturally a bitch and sometimes brutally honest in ways I shouldn’t be. You also want to be sure to explain any shallow dating tendencies you may have, such as I will only date men that are 6′ or taller because sometimes I like to wear heels and I don’t want to be taller than any man. That and my mother told me growing up to not date short men because they are creepy. 

Once your profile is created and the internet men can see you it’s game on! 

Odds are you will get many emails or messages after the first 24 hours. ALWAYS look at the guys profile before responding!!!! Read their profile and make sure you actually want to talk to them because if not good luck getting rid of them. One of my own personal rules is to never respond to guys who simply say “hey” in their message to me, if you can’t put more effort in that to strike up a conversation with me then clearly you don’t deserve me. Another very important thing is to remember your own values and boundaries, never let a get push you around even in an email. See the below example:

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Clearly I tried to give this moron some friendly advice and then he pissed me off and proceed to call me hateful and block me so I could no longer respond… I found it hilarious!!! Now I’m not always this snarky with guys but this one started our conversation off so wonderfully I found it necessary. 

Okay ladies, this is all I can come up with tonight… more on the wonders of online dating next time!

Does anyone really know how to be single???

Let me start by saying being a professional single gal is not what I anticipated my life being but hey when life gives you lemons, you know!

Being a single mother makes things even more tricky because you have to remember that while you love your children, you are allowed to actually have fun without them. It is actually fine to pay a sitter and get dolled up and let a man twirl you around the dance floor. It is perfectly okay to put the kids to bed and sit up with a bottle of wine and chat with a girlfriend. It is also fine to go out and get rip-roaring drunk with a girlfriend, just be smart and safe and ALWAYS have a DD.

My plan with this blog is to have fun and tell stories and to help the other single girls in the world be single with class and sass! I will try to cover the basics but also the unexpected and the weird, because let’s face it ladies, there are some freaky men out there and how you handle it can sometimes be entertaining. I will even cover the do’s and don’ts  of online dating. Casual sex will be a fun topic because I have mastered the art of that too!

Lesson one will come tonight!