Consumed

So here I am again. I’ve been here before but never like this. I’ve been single for years. Why is now so different? 

I’m not the same person. I poured every bit of myself into my relationship because that’s what I do. I lose myself in love. It’s an amazing feeling until you realize that you aren’t you anymore. I sensed the end was near. I knew I wasn’t myself anymore. I could recognize my problem. Accepting the reality of this was not easy. 

Mr. Wonderful and I broke up last week. It was devastating and heart wrenching and I thought my world was caving in around me. Something odd happened though… my world stayed intact. I didn’t lose my home, my belongings, or even my heart. I lost my other half but even then it wasn’t a loss. 

Timing. Life is always about timing. Our timing was off. I’m still growing into who I am meant to be and so is he. Does that negate the love we share? Absolutely not. It means that when we are ready, when we are truly who we are we can reconnect. I miss him every day. My heart is heavy with sadness but then I remind it, as best I can, that love is in our future. When the timing is right. 

For the first time in my life I have not been consumed by a break up. I don’t let the sadness swallow me whole. I’m fighting it. Every day I fight a little harder and it gets a little easier. Today is a hard day for me. For some reason I just can’t get him out of my mind. All the happy memories are flooding in to remind me of the love. I love Mr. Wonderful. Plain and simple. 

I love him enough to let him grow without me. I love myself enough to keep growing. 

And once again, I have faith in love. I will always have faith in it and maybe that is why I have not been swallowed whole. That must be why I see a light at the end of this tunnel. 

Love yourself. 

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