Working for love

(note: I started this post on the brink of a huge fight, my train of thought may appear jumbled and this post may generally suck)

Hi!! Remember me?

I warned you so I almost don’t feel bad for being so awful at this…

Are you ready for an update? Yes? Hooray!!!

If you read my last post, you’ll remember that I asked you to wake me when the fairy tale was over. I’m at that point. The fairy tale part of our relationship has coming to a crashing end. He was gone for three and a half months. He was in Oklahoma for work and I was here. While he was away, I moved into a new apartment. I set up a home for us. I waited for him. While I was here, he was working. He was falling in love with his career. He was spreading his wings and taking flight.

Of course, because no one is perfect, we fought. They were generally petty fights over absolutely nothing but things were always said. Hurtful things were said, silent treatments were given. The apologies were always there a day or two later and we would agree to stop fighting. One of our fights we have yet to actually recover from…

I’m the type of person that will forgive, forget, and move forward. I don’t like harboring negative feelings. It makes me physically sick, my chest tightens, my breathing is short, my brain is never focused. He is not that person. He is the classic over thinker. One small fight, or even one small remark can lead to the fight of the century. This particular fight happened the Monday following Valentine’s Day. I was having a bad day and was being overly needy (something I have come to see in myself sometimes that I am working on because I’m not fond of this side of me). I made the HORRID mistake of telling him I felt like he was being distant and that he didn’t talk to me as much as he should. HOLY FUCK BALLS! That was the worst thing in the world I could have said, this has been our longest fight so far. For an entire week we fought. He gave me the silent treatment (because that’s the solution to someone feeling neglected, you neglect them more). I cried myself to sleep.

I don’t remember exactly how we recovered from this but I know we did… sort of… he has since returned. I will post the happy story of how he surprised me at work next. We are still together but this fight seems to resurface quite a bit. He’s afraid that I will do this again when he’s out of town again. I’ve scared him but at the same time the man has little faith in our relationship. We are currently working on that. I’m not sure that I’ve made any real point to this so the next paragraph will have some profound stuff….

Mr. Wonderful and I are not perfect. Neither of us ever lead the other to believe that. Personal growth will happen, especially when there are 900+ miles between you. Adjusting to the growth when you reconnect isn’t easy. We are actually having to step back and re-get to know each other. The one thing that has remained true in all of this though is our love. He loves me and I love him. Love isn’t easy. Being in love really isn’t easy. Working together as a couple to refind love is the best thing you can do.

Believe in love. Never give up hope. Even if, God forbid, something were to happen between Mr. Wonderful and myself, I would still have faith in love.

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