Online dating is sort of embarrassing and it takes a huge step to put your face out there for all the world to see. It’s even more embarrassing when you see an ex on there… well admittedly you get a thrill seeing that they are still single but then comes the “oh yeah so am I” factor.
One of my many rules of online dating is to never make the first move (I’m old fashioned at heart and am like that in real dating too). So when I happen to come across an ex or a coworker or some asshole from high school ignore them and move along hoping that they will extend me the same courtesy and pretend they didn’t see me either. On the rare occasion a coworker will message me or even say something to me in person… no big deal. Recently I had the complete and utter shock of a message from an ex who I had not spoken to in over 5 years. This particular ex may or may not be the father of my first born. That’s a story I don’t feel like getting into so judge away and let your imaginations run free with that. For the sake of this story we will refer to the ex as Wade so we can keep things straight.
When Wade and I first started dating I was young and dumb and looking to get into trouble after having played the good girl role for far too long. He was my first big love. We dated a whole 9 months and the break up was tragic and it sent me into a depression. I got over that of course when it came time to “man up” and have a baby. He had no interest in the baby and that was fine by me. I wanted him to find a rock to hide under and die. Wade’s mother and I kept a close relationship for a while and in fact I lived with her for a short period of time. So last I knew of Wade he was in Texas (if you know me you will see I have a theme of exes moving to Texas, I’m a country song waiting to happen) until a few weeks ago when I got a message from him on a dating site.
He was shockingly polite and we actually had quite the conversation. We have since exchanged phone numbers and have been talking almost daily. The fun part of this for me is that I am so far from that same girl he knew that it scares him. I am more honest with him now than I ever was before. I am also a bit more “experienced” in certain areas of life and that thrills him. We have actually seen each other in person since this started and I honestly had no emotional reaction to it like I thought I would. I was afraid that seeing him would bring up all this emotion and that I wouldn’t be ok… fact of the matter is he is the one with the emotional issues not me. (I will admit I am incredibly jaded about love)
So we have seen each other three times so far and two of those times were for more than just talking. Again the fireworks I anticipated were no where to be found. In fact, it was a 3 on a scale of 1 – 10. And as unfortunate as that seems I have been enjoying talking to him. I can talk freely to him about anything… my ex, my most recent sexual encounter, my kids, anything. In turn he talks to me about the same various topics. So we’ve been discussing at length his most recently break up. (oddly enough it’s fun to discuss this with him)
So he is totally in love with this girl, to the point where that’s all we talk about right now. She was partly cheating on him and lying to him and doing all sorts of things that shouldn’t be done in a relationship. Why he is in love with her I will never know but I also don’t give a shit. So the other night I gave him advice he didn’t want to hear and I half expected to not hear from him again. I am learning now with him to expect the unexpected because sure enough he called me the next night because he needed someone to talk to… Apparently he had gotten a hold of the phone number of the guy his ex had been cheating on him with and called him and told him everything. So I listen and offer up my opinion here and there and here we are days later still talking about it all.
Now here’s the rough part… Wade’s ex works at AppleBee’s. I took my kids there for dinner last night and told him I was there. His ex’s roommate was my server. These people have no idea who I am or that I know what I know about them. So my server comes over and tells me that her roommates boyfriend is there and going to propose to the roommate. I die a little inside because I know what this means. I stay long enough to watch this proposal and the yes happen…. it gets better don’t worry.
Today I get a text from Wade telling me that a gift he ordered for the ex a while back should be delivered in the next few days and what is the least dramatic way for him to get it to her… I haven’t told him about the proposal because how do I do that and not make him want to die?!?!?!?!? HELP!!!!!!!!
(I know how much you all appreciate a long rambly blog that ends abruptly like that)
Update- to my knowledge he still does not know about the engagement and I still refuse to tell him.