Coworkers and online dating…

Today we shall discuss the awkwardness of seeing someone you see just about everyday on your dating site… FUCK! 

So I work in the oilfield industry which means I work with men and lots of them. When I first started I was shy and didn’t really talk much but now I have moved to the front desk and guess what?!?!?! I see every single one of the field guys almost daily. There isn’t a whole lot more awkward than knowing these guys have seen your personal profile with exactly what you are looking for in a man laid out for their eyes to read. Even better is that I get to see the same…. which brings me to a new point…

I am a judgmental bitch sometimes. I already know this about myself but I sometimes have to get knocked down and be reminded that some people are like me, they’ve been through a hard ship and they hide it well. If you just met me you would have no idea (unless I told you) that I just survived a two year relationship with a drug addict. You wouldn’t know that after having to live with family I am finally in my own place and finally am happy. The things we hide with our smiles and our actions are quite extraordinary. So when you learn things like this via your coworker’s online profile how do you look them in the eye and not want to apologize for judging them? 

One guy raised a son on his own and I often make fun of him for his shitting parking… or his short man syndrome… or his inability to fill out his paperwork properly… but fuck! he raised a baby on his own…. that’s some hard shit to do!

But that doesn’t really alleviate the weird I have to look you in the eye and know that you saw the super cute picture I took of myself in the bathroom at work, or that I like tall men, or that I seriously like older men… 

Another perk of online dating is you never know who you will see on there… until next time… 

Top ten

Today I was reflecting on my past relationships and all that they entailed. So of course I started feeling low… that’s I sort of kicked myself and said “wait a minute! you’re a catch!”

So I thought I would make a “Top 10 Reasons I’m a Catch List” and then maybe inspire my few readers to do the same…

1. I can love like there is no tomorrow. If I’m going to love you it’s not going to be done half assed. I’m going to love you with my everything (ask my kids). 

2. I’m a good mother. Conceited? Maybe but then again they are alive and fed and clothed and housed and I do it all without the help of a man (not that I want it that but ya know).

3. I can cook. I spent my youth in the kitchen with my mother and grandmother and learned what I could.

4. I have quite the sense of humor. I love to joke around and play. 

5. I make beautiful children. I mean seriously if you are going to bring someone home to meet mom who better than someone you know has the perfect hips for birthing. 

6. My ass…. if you’ve seen it… need I say more?

7. I’m smart… maybe not brilliant but I’m smart. 

8. I’m wise beyond my years. While I am a 25 year old single mother of two I’m certainly not your typical 25 year old. 

9. I love to laugh and I have a good wholehearted laugh.

10. BECAUSE I’M ME! There is no better reason than that really… 

Your turn. Try it because it’s not as easy as you think… I got stuck at number six and had to really think about myself and what I have to offer. GOOD LUCK!

Oh the people you’ll see

Online dating is sort of embarrassing and it takes a huge step to put your face out there for all the world to see. It’s even more embarrassing when you see an ex on there… well admittedly you get a thrill seeing that they are still single but then comes the “oh yeah so am I” factor.

One of my many rules of online dating is to never make the first move (I’m old fashioned at heart and am like that in real dating too). So when I happen to come across an ex or a coworker or some asshole from high school ignore them and move along hoping that they will extend me the same courtesy and pretend they didn’t see me either. On the rare occasion a coworker will message me or even say something to me in person… no big deal. Recently I had the complete and utter shock of a message from an ex who I had not spoken to in over 5 years. This particular ex may or may not be the father of my first born. That’s a story I don’t feel like getting into so judge away and let your imaginations run free with that. For the sake of this story we will refer to the ex as Wade so we can keep things straight.

When Wade and I first started dating I was young and dumb and looking to get into trouble after having played the good girl role for far too long. He was my first big love. We dated a whole 9 months and the break up was tragic and it sent me into a depression. I got over that of course when it came time to “man up” and have a baby. He had no interest in the baby and that was fine by me. I wanted him to find a rock to hide under and die. Wade’s mother and I kept a close relationship for a while and in fact I lived with her for a short period of time. So last I knew of Wade he was in Texas (if you know me you will see I have a theme of exes moving to Texas, I’m a country song waiting to happen) until a few weeks ago when I got a message from him on a dating site.

He was shockingly polite and we actually had quite the conversation. We have since exchanged phone numbers and have been talking almost daily. The fun part of this for me is that I am so far from that same girl he knew that it scares him. I am more honest with him now than I ever was before. I am also a bit more “experienced” in certain areas of life and that thrills him. We have actually seen each other in person since this started and I honestly had no emotional reaction to it like I thought I would. I was afraid that seeing him would bring up all this emotion and that I wouldn’t be ok… fact of the matter is he is the one with the emotional issues not me. (I will admit I am incredibly jaded about love)

So we have seen each other three times so far and two of those times were for more than just talking. Again the fireworks I anticipated were no where to be found. In fact, it was a 3 on a scale of 1 – 10. And as unfortunate as that seems I have been enjoying talking to him. I can talk freely to him about anything… my ex, my most recent sexual encounter, my kids, anything. In turn he talks to me about the same various topics. So we’ve been discussing at length his most recently break up. (oddly enough it’s fun to discuss this with him)

So he is totally in love with this girl, to the point where that’s all we talk about right now. She was partly cheating on him and lying to him and doing all sorts of things that shouldn’t be done in a relationship. Why he is in love with her I will never know but I also don’t give a shit. So the other night I gave him advice he didn’t want to hear and I half expected to not hear from him again. I am learning now with him to expect the unexpected because sure enough he called me the next night because he needed someone to talk to… Apparently he had gotten a hold of the phone number of the guy his ex had been cheating on him with and called him and told him everything. So I listen and offer up my opinion here and there and here we are days later still talking about it all.

Now here’s the rough part… Wade’s ex works at AppleBee’s. I took my kids there for dinner last night and told him I was there. His ex’s roommate was my server. These people have no idea who I am or that I know what I know about them. So my server comes over and tells me that her roommates boyfriend is there and going to propose to the roommate. I die a little inside because I know what this means. I stay long enough to watch this proposal and the yes happen…. it gets better don’t worry.

Today I get a text from Wade telling me that a gift he ordered for the ex a while back should be delivered in the next few days and what is the least dramatic way for him to get it to her… I haven’t told him about the proposal because how do I do that and not make him want to die?!?!?!?!? HELP!!!!!!!!

(I know how much you all appreciate a long rambly blog that ends abruptly like that)

Update- to my knowledge he still does not know about the engagement and I still refuse to tell him.

I suck at this…

Ya’ll I suck at blogging… particularly because I don’t have internet at home right now but mostly I just suck at this in general and the sad thing is I have fun and stupid stories to tell! So I’m going to make a point of trying to make this a weekly thing… I can’t make any promises but I will try! Just for you my faithful readers (hahaha I think there are 4 of you and I know you all).  Since I am using my last ten minutes at work for this I figure I should tell you one of my stories so I am racking my brain for a quick one…. aha!

I will tell you about the man who seemed normal until he wanted me to bite him… in places most men don’t like to be bit.

We met online (of course!) and chatted for a few days before deciding to meet for coffee at Village Inn. We hit it off and he was actually better looking in person which is always a huge plus. Our first date was amazingly awesome and because I couldn’t help myself we went back to his place and that was nice and normal too! It wasn’t until the second date when he came to my house to watch a movie with me and my fabulous roomie that things got weird. We watched our movie and then went to my room. We were doing our thang being frisky and what not when he whispers “Wanna do something freaky?” I was hesitant and asked what and then it happened. He wanted me to bite and not just a light grazing type bite… he wanted a full on chomp! I just couldn’t do it… we finished and I sent him on his way. I honestly haven’t heard from him in over a month.

Men are weird!

(also I know this post sucks and for that I am sorry! I will make it up to you!!!)

My return….

I disappeared briefly and for that I apologize. I suffer from depression and the month of February was an ass kicker. But I am back and I fully intend to fill you all (the whole 3 of you) with my knowledge of the dating world! Unfortunately I have to run to the grocery store so I will leave you with a brief tip for allowing a man to buy you a drink…

Tip: If the man is soooo not attractive but offers to buy you a drink allow it… However that doesn’t mean you have to dance with him. If he is dumb enough to buy you a drink before asking you to dance that’s his problem! It might piss him off and he will more than likely not offer to buy you a drink but hey it’s worth it… little story to go with this because I sometimes can’t believe the shit that comes out of a man’s mouth. 

I was at a bar with a friend who I hadn’t seen in months and we were having a blast. I was at the time in a relationship so I had to be on my best behavior. A gentleman walked up and asked to buy us drinks and we all of course agreed. He wasn’t hideous but again I was taken. He asked what we wanted and we gave him our order. He came back to the table with just my drink and some story about how he wasn’t allowed to carry more than two drinks but was nice enough to give my friend money to go get hers. So he sits down with us and proceeds to chat which wasn’t awful and then he asks me to dance and not just a two step.. he wanted to bump and grind. I politely declined telling him I promised my husband (wasn’t actually married) that I would be good and not dance with someone else. The next thing that came out of this man’s mouth was a bit shocking… “Well it’s not like we’re fucking”

No sir, no we are not nor will we ever be… 

 

Online dating Continued

I left off with standing up for yourself when the creepers start creeping, something I forgot to mention is to use that BLOCK button!!! Sometimes its my favorite thing to click!

Now when you do get a message from someone who appears normal and you have read their profile respond however you want. (Quick side note: I never email/message a guy first. I let them start a convo) If you can tell they have a sense of humor based on their profile or the initial message be funny. If you think they will catch your sarcasm and snarkiness do it! Be yourself ladies. If he can’t handle your personality in an email then clearly he doesn’t deserve any more of your attention. The beauty of online dating I find is that you have the power. Plain and simple. A friend once told me that I treated these sites like a “man menu” and quite frankly FUCK YEAH I DO! I’ve been through the ringer with men. I know what I want, what I can get, and how I am going to get it. Now not all men on these sites are total assholes, some of them are actually quite great and polite and worth your time. If you find one of those guys jump on that shit! If you have to reject a thousand assholes first well I’m sure it was worth it!

When it comes down to actually meeting a guy, ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS pick a public place! Meet him there, even if you wait outside and do the sometimes awkward first meeting stuff out there first. I find that with guys you can tell right away whether or not you are going to have a decent connection but sometimes they will surprise you. My current “regular” shocked me, we didn’t meet online but our first meeting was weird and our first hangout was actually quite nice. We’ve been “seeing” (also code for sleeping together) each other since early November and every time we are together it is even more comfortable than before, so don’t be caught off guard if it doesn’t feel right at first. But if you do have a connection right a way 10 points for you!

NEVER SCHEDULE TWO IN ONE NIGHT!

I realize that once the emails start rolling in we as women can get a little cocky ourselves but be respectful of the man who is taking you out and don’t double book an evening. I will admit I have done this but it wasn’t exactly a planned thing…. I had one guy lined up to be my DD after a bachelorette party and didn’t intend to meet a gorgeous 6’6″ cowboy at the bar. Accidents happen so we can allow for that but NEVER intentionally do it.

The online world is a scary one ladies so always be safe when doing anything. Some guys can get creepy fast. I’ve been there too…. I had one guy “fall in love” with me in less than two weeks and when I told him I needed space he thought that meant limiting it to 15 texts, 1 phone call, and 3 emails a day. And even after that he sent a letter (YES A LETTER) to my house and refused to give me his return address so I could send it back. Fail for him because I sent it to his work… he’s a police officer fyi.

Ok… I think I have more or less rambled on enough here… we’ll leave it at that for the day! Good luck and happy hunting!!!!!!

Happy I Fu*&ing Hate Being Single Day!

So I’m sitting here trying to convince myself that I don’t need a man and that I am strong and independent, which in reality I know I am, but all these damn facebook posts and coworkers are kicking my ego’s ass!

Single ladies, this day was not designed with us in mind that’s for damn sure but try to rise above it! Don’t be overly hateful today because that’s just not sexy. Let the love birds be in love because you can’t do a damn thing to stop them any how. Remember that life resumes normal tomorrow and all the flowers and chocolates and lovey dovey crap goes away.

Be strong girls! We got this shit under control!

More on online dating tomorrow night… I am down a kid since she’s going to a sleep over so it will be easier to get done.

 

Lesson #1 – Tips on online dating

So online dating can be a very frightening experience but when done properly it can be incredibly entertaining and sometimes very rewarding. It can also be the biggest ego boost ever! And there are various types of dating sites, sites for real dating, sites for hook ups, sites purely for sex, and then of course site where you can try to find that special someone. 

The first part of a dating profile is having the right profile picture. You don’t want to be that girl who uses one of her senior portraits if that is not what you look like anymore. I’ve had children so clearly I do not look the same as I did almost 10 years ago. If you are really nervous about it ask a friend, who’s honest opinion you value, to come help you take one. Avoid at all cost making duck lips and having your toilet in the background because you’ve used your bathroom mirror. It’s just tacky! Also don’t be too revealing with the ta tas, wear a low cut shirt (if you’d like) but don’t show more than you are willing to give on a first date!

Second on the profile agenda is your “About Me” section. You definitely want to be clear as to what your intentions are but don’t be so clear that you come off as a bitch. This is something that I have been guilty of many many times and part of that is because I am naturally a bitch and sometimes brutally honest in ways I shouldn’t be. You also want to be sure to explain any shallow dating tendencies you may have, such as I will only date men that are 6′ or taller because sometimes I like to wear heels and I don’t want to be taller than any man. That and my mother told me growing up to not date short men because they are creepy. 

Once your profile is created and the internet men can see you it’s game on! 

Odds are you will get many emails or messages after the first 24 hours. ALWAYS look at the guys profile before responding!!!! Read their profile and make sure you actually want to talk to them because if not good luck getting rid of them. One of my own personal rules is to never respond to guys who simply say “hey” in their message to me, if you can’t put more effort in that to strike up a conversation with me then clearly you don’t deserve me. Another very important thing is to remember your own values and boundaries, never let a get push you around even in an email. See the below example:

 

Clearly I tried to give this moron some friendly advice and then he pissed me off and proceed to call me hateful and block me so I could no longer respond… I found it hilarious!!! Now I’m not always this snarky with guys but this one started our conversation off so wonderfully I found it necessary. 

Okay ladies, this is all I can come up with tonight… more on the wonders of online dating next time!

Does anyone really know how to be single???

Let me start by saying being a professional single gal is not what I anticipated my life being but hey when life gives you lemons, you know!

Being a single mother makes things even more tricky because you have to remember that while you love your children, you are allowed to actually have fun without them. It is actually fine to pay a sitter and get dolled up and let a man twirl you around the dance floor. It is perfectly okay to put the kids to bed and sit up with a bottle of wine and chat with a girlfriend. It is also fine to go out and get rip-roaring drunk with a girlfriend, just be smart and safe and ALWAYS have a DD.

My plan with this blog is to have fun and tell stories and to help the other single girls in the world be single with class and sass! I will try to cover the basics but also the unexpected and the weird, because let’s face it ladies, there are some freaky men out there and how you handle it can sometimes be entertaining. I will even cover the do’s and don’ts  of online dating. Casual sex will be a fun topic because I have mastered the art of that too!

Lesson one will come tonight!